This year, for some reason, I felt that something changed about her. At first she just became grade conscious. And that was partly because of her suitor, too. That, I didn't mind much coz that also did her good, too. But second sem of this year, I have no idea what happened. She really became distant. Or maybe I did. :\ She and another groupmate became close, too. So that kind of left me hanging. But, anyway, I didn't like the idea but neither did I like forcing myself to them. So I just went over to my other groupmates whenever they'd have a conversation that's "for their ears only."
I have always been a pessimist and I easily get depressed. Maybe that's why I value my friends so much. I'm the type of person who needs a stable support group in order to survive. No, it's not the kind where I need your advice on what I should do and all. (well maybe sometimes.) Rather, what I really need is just someone to talk me through it. My mind can really be unstable at times and I just can't think straight. Actually, sometimes, the mere presence of a friend already helps a lot. No words need to be said.
Anyway, I confronted this friend about how I felt irritated about her change of attitude. But I also said sorry because it may have been my fault because I became so negative, sad and suicidal. That's probably the reason why I became like that: because I no longer had a support system. but anyway, they probably had better things to do than to talk to a depressed and suicidal person... So anyway, she told me that she really did change. Well that was a relief. At least I didn't have to explain what it was that I saw. So there, she told me that started to distance herself from people because she's heavily burdened. she told me that she's the type who deals with her problems by herself. So she just became withdrawn and only talked to people when she was manic and happy. Well, that didn't quite make me happy.
She also told me that she knew that I had a problem then. But she wanted me to fight, fight, fight and do things on my own. So, that's like throwing a baby into a swimming pool and leaving them there to learn how to swim. Hmm.
Sure, tell me that I'm too dependent on my friends. But I honestly believe that no man is an island. I mean, you can't do things all on your own, right? Because what will that make your friends? People who are only with you through the happy times because you're on your own when you're problematic?
I mean, really. *sigh*
Later days,
~coffeeandmusiclover~
