Quality Time.

We all have our own definition of quality time. We can have them with family, with friends and with significant others. As for me, today was a very long and tiring day, but at the end of this day, I realized that it had been very fruitful and fun.

I was supposed to be in school by 7a. Lo and behold, I didn't wake up. Actually, I did, but I kept on pressing the snooze button until I eventually pressed off. Voila, I got up at 9a. Haha. I took a bath, fixed myself and went on to school. Madam and I were going to clean the org rm because it has been a mess since... ever. I got there around 10.30a. The fx was as fast as a turtle. :\ It kept stopping to wait for passengers, just when I was in a hurry to get to school. Haha. When I arrived in the Org Rm, the meeting wasn't finished and they were staying in our cubicle. I waited outside, next to aircon. But I had this urge for caffeine. So I headed to Starbucks for a frappe.

Topnotcher was sick, but he went down so we could talk. Madam said that we were going to start soon. I was almost done with my frappe but I got into our conversation and lost track of the time. In fairness, I really had fun talking to him because we were able to talk about serious stuff in a funny way. Haha. Unique. I also felt that I got to know him a little better. He is a new found friend, after all.

Madam was already cleaning up when I returned and she said that she was about to eat lunch. So we decided to fix one shelf then head out to eat. I was glad to have that chance to bond with her again. I mean, third year passed by so fast that all of us barely had time for our friends, even ourselves.

We went to the OR to submit our pref cards and then went back to the org rm to do some revisions. We cleaned up a bit, then went back to the OR to submit our pref cards again. It was five pm then so Kabuts and I decided to take the LRT home.

Nothing much to say about our trip home because he was really sleepy then. We talked but he was asleep most of the time.

I know that this may not be your definition of quality time. But for me, as long as I spend time with my friends, I make sure that they have meaning. :)

Later days,

~coffeeandmusiclover~

Fireworks

As each graduate stepped on stage for their own moment

I was on my phone, making sure each message is sent

I've lost count on how many I've sent to you

But they don't matter 'coz that's what I want to do.

The ceremony dragged but I enjoyed each second of it

'coz I felt myself becoming close to you bit by bit

Though we were apart, you at home, and I was here

The way we talked made me think you're so near.

The fireworks began and I told you of its beauty

Telling me you were looking, too, truly made me happy

Because though we weren't here side by side

We were still looking up at the same sky.

Living the moment.

It's funny how time flies when you're having fun. But it wasn't quite like that during my third year. Sure, time did fly by sooo fast. To the point that I feel like I lived through third year too fast that I wasn't able to feel every minute of it that much.

There were always plenty of things to do at home and in school. In school we had hours of lecture classes, dozens of quizzes a day, loads of requirements per subject, I can go on and on. The moment I get home, I eat, do homework, attempt to study but end up sleeping anyway.

I was always freakin' tired and pissed. And that prevented me from savoring the experience of being a third year student.

Now, I try to live life to the full. Am seriously trying to be optimistic and all. Fail. Rather, failing. But still trying. I was never the type who lives for my future. I was never the type who thinks ahead too much. I've always wanted to live the moment, because that moment in the present will dictate your future anyway.

Insecurities.

Mama almost always compares me to my sisters. But I've gotten used to that already. Try experiencing that your whole life... Thing is, even though you've gotten used to it, it still hurts because it makes you feel so worthless. After all the efforts you've shown, after doing everything they tell you, they're still not satisfied. Sure my eldest sister was once a part of the honors class and my elder sister graduated cum laude and grabbed 8th place in the board exams. But did they have to really shove it in my face? Sometimes, I want to just give up and let things pass because they wouldn't really appreciate my efforts anyway. But I want to show them that I'm better than that. That in spite of everything they're making me go through, I'm still a picture of magnificence. I stand up after I fall down. Yeah, who said it was easy? :\

I've always felt insecure about my cousins. One was a valedictorian, and one's a consistent dean's lister. My mom (yet again) always talked about how this valedictorian cousin of mine just spent the whole day studying. I know where she's getting at: that I should do the same. But, I don't think I'll be able to do that. EVER. I mean, I'd go insane. C'mon, she's already made me take up a course I don't like and now she's asking me to sacrifice my social life? Mehn, I'm trying to be the obedient daughter that I should be but I think that's too far. :\ I know I'm not the smartest person alive and I should really study in order to get high grades. But changing my study habits in that manner is just.... ACK.

I've always felt insecure about my classmates. Especially this ONE classmate who seems to have everything. Emphasis on the seems. I mean, she's pretty, smart, everyone likes her (and I mean LIKES her), you get what I mean. But still, I've always thought of it as unfair. She has her issues. We all do.

I even feel insecure about my figure, dammit. But that isn't really important, right?

I should really learn to overcome all over these. :\ I mean, no one can make me feel inferior without my permission. But I think I have inferiority complex... Rather, schizophrenia. :)) There was once a time when I couldn't sleep because "I was fighting with my own mind." I always found that definition of shiz as weird. Then came that night, I understood it fully.

I think I need to go on a retreat. I should find some inner peace. :(

Later days,

~coffeeandmusiclover~

Issues.

I know I've been saying that I graduated from the depressed mood I've been experiencing for months. Still, it doesn't prevent the issues from coming, does it? I don't know why but I seem to be a person with soooo many issues in life.

My dad talked to me this afternoon, while I was reading a book in the garden. He told me that he's scared of his condition. I continued to look at the book but I was listening to him. That's a common thing in our house, pretending you don't listen or pay attention when you actually are.

So anyway, I asked him, "why? Your meds are no longer working?" I had his diabetes in mind.

He answered, "no. because I know I can't stop it." This made me look at him.

"Huh?"

Then he began to reminisce. "Your sister told me many years ago that she thinks I have Alzheimer's." I put my bookmark in place because I knew that he won't be stopping anytime soon.

"And?" I asked him.

He answered, "I didn't understand her then because I still had a good memory and I read a lot."

"So what changed?"

"I've been awfully forgetful lately. To the point that it's disturbing."

I was silent for a few seconds. It's true that he has been forgetful lately and we all just joked about it, saying he's old and all. Well, he is. But I remembered what we studied in Psych (no, my father's not a Psych patient) that when it starts disrupting your activities if daily living, that's when it becomes a condition. I didn't answer.

"when the time comes that I become a burden, don't think twice." he continued.

"think twice about?"

"Just discuss with your sisters. I don't want to be sent to a home for the aged... Just give me sleeping pills."

"What?" I was seriously surprised.

"Yeah, to get things over with. I don't want to reach that point, to tell you the truth."

"The hell. I'm a nurse (student, that is) and you expect me to give you meds that will kill you? Now that's weird." I tried to sound like I was joking. But I really wasn't.

He didn't answer. He just smiled weakly. We became silent for a few minutes and I got my book again. I didn't show it, but tears actually welled up in my eyes. For the first time in a long, long time, I felt sorry for him.

I've always had issues with my Dad. Actually, I have issues with my family all the time. But with him, it's quite different. Sure, my Mom made me take a course in College that wasn't exactly my choice. But with my Dad, it's different. I was always his favorite. But great expectations came with that. It's honestly very hard to be the daughter of a jack of all traits kind of person. Coz he expects you to be the same. But anyway, I'd better not say what it was that he did that still makes it so hard for me to truly forgive. Not just him. Forgive in general. I've lost count as to how many times I've gone to confession for this. Each and every time, the priest makes me cry because I know that it's wrong. I just don't know why I can't do it. Tut tut...

Oh, this is quite a serious topic... Hum hum...

later days,

~coffeeandmusiclover~

Ordinary day.

Nothing much happened today... Just spent the whole day sitting on the computer chair playing Diablo II. You'll be surprised at how fast time flies when you're playing that game. Oh, and you'll also be surprised at how fast your life meter goes down and then next thing you know, you're dead and you need to start all over again. Haha. Happened to me dozens of times. :p

I actually miss playing that game. Last time I played it was... lemme think... either Christmas '08 or summer of last year. Hmm. Long time ago. :)) This school year was really busy and hectic so I barely had time to play games even though I was always on the computer for theses, projects, reports, NCPs, histories, Case Pres, pref cards, hmmm. I could go on and on and on. :))

Short entry, I know. But at least I wrote something about today. Even though it was just like any other day. :)


Later days,
~coffeandmusiclover~

What to do this summer?

Hm. I really shouldn't be asking this question because I have summer duty. Yes, being a student nurse has its ups and downs. But that's life so you just have to go on with it. (am I really saying this)

But anyway, I gained a lot of weight since the schoolyear started and I blame all the stress that comes with being a junior in my college. Yeah, having to go through Sociology and Literature in the same year, ack. Not that good. Add to that, I'm a stress eater. Hence, I gain weight every time I am stressed! Haha. Sooo, when was I not stressed this year? Hahaha. :))

So this morning, I decided that I will finally start doing something about it. I searched through my stuff for the dvd of the exercise video my sisters and I used to follow in order to get back into shape. When I found it, the weights were missing. So I had to look for those, too. But I found them, too, after turning the stockroom inside out. Haha. I was finally able to start at around 4pm.

The exercise video is really good. I mean, it's something like an idiot's guide to exercising. Well said instructions, arrows on where the "stress" should be, and music that's easy to dance to. Thing is, it's also soooo good that you really feel that you're working out. Dammit. I felt every inch of me was in pain. Haha. My heartrate was up to 120 when I finished the WARM UPS. The hell. :)) Oh but it doesn't end there. There's this cardio part where you have to jog in place while jumping and doing jacks and flexing your biceps and doing delts. Aw mehn. I lost count on how many times I said, "you have got to be kidding me," desperately gasping for air and begging for water. Oh, that's NOT an overstatement, I tell you. :))

There's also this part where it's purely abwork. You are to lie supine on the ground and do some crunches and some leg lifts whatever. You should have seen me when there were only about five minutes remaining. I was just lying there, looking like I was dead and staring blankly into space. I wasn't able to do the final stretches because my body was aching all over! :)) Haha. Gosh. I'm sooooo not fit. :))

I bet I'll be forcing down a lot of painkillers tomorrow. Haha. Although, if the pain will really be that intense, I bet I don't need to force myself, right? Haha.

I can't believe it, I actually wrote what happened to me today! Ha! I can see it already: Imma maintain this blog! I will, I will! XD

Later days,

~coffeeandmusiclover~

Epiphany...

I used to use my Multiply account's blog as an outlet. When Facebook came, I apparently lost track of my Multiply account. Yesterday, I finally had the time to visit it again and I realized that I used to write really detailed blog entries about what happened that day, or what I was feeling at that very moment. That was a long, long time ago... more than a year, I think. And I realized that back then, I wasn't as negative as I am now. Maybe having this kind of outlet does make a difference. I miss writing. Maybe this coming schoolyear, I will have more time to write. Hopefully. :)

The disadvantage of not having an older brother

The thing about not having an older brother is that when you meet someone, you have this tendency to cling to the person. (or is it just me?) I mean, I have classmates who I cling to like a little sister... Thing is, sometimes, you can't differentiate it with "liking" the person. Hum hum. Or, again, is it just me?